Who is your best self?

I love the idea of our "best self." When meeting new coaching clients, I often ask about their strengths and when they feel most vibrant.  What I really want to know is, who are you at your best? Our best self is really who we are when we like ourselves and how we’re behaving.  

But recently, I had a huge realization: the idea I have of my best self is too limited. 

For a while, I've had this image of my best self: she's curious and caring, readily sees good qualities in others. She asks questions from a place of interest, is very active, and gets a lot done (mostly to help others). 

I am not always my best self of course, but knowing that she’s a part of me allows me to hold an aspiration-- not to be someone that I’m not, but to be the person I want to be and know that I can be. 

I’ve been realizing though, that my idea of my best self is too narrow. This best self comes out only when I’m happy and have the energy to care for others. I prioritize feeling good, and when I do get upset, sad, or angry, I try to strong arm my way back into my happy, best self state. I'm dismissive of those difficult feelings. (My common refrains are: I shouldn’t feel that way, I should be more grateful for what I have, or I'm overreacting.)  

In other words, I’m not my best self to myself!

Thinking about it this way, I realized that I need to expand my image of my best self.  

This full version of my best self isn’t always going to be happy or helpful. She can also experience difficult emotions with self-compassion, and weaves between caring for me and everyone else. She’s able to be vulnerable and show sadness, anger, frustration in front of friends and family in a skillful way. She doesn’t always have to hold it together.

This enlarged best self feels freeing. It helps me remember that the goal isn't to always be happy and feeling good. Instead, I just want to be curious and compassionate to others, and to myself. 

What do you know about your “best self”? And what might you expand to include more aspects of yourself? I made this worksheet to help you think this through.

Try it out and let me know what you discover!